i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
