Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just google imaged poop.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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