I wish my penis had an off switch
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
