we have pet lesbian snakes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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