Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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