You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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