tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
