There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
