end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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