I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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