I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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