He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
