The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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