at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
