Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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