My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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