pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
