After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
