Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We just shotgunned beers for America
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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