My friends, they love my intelligence
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
