I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
