After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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