Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
