grandma shit on top of the toilet
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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