Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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