oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
