He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
