I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
