i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
