I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
