if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
