i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
