sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
