he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
