Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
