I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
