i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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