You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
