Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
