It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
