im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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