Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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