can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
