She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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