Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
