yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
