watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
