May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
