I need help removing her.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
