drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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