Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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