so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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