I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
