he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
