not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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