Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
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