first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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