I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sobbing to NWA
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
