somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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