Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
