he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
