the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
