I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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