Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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