i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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