the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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