this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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