Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
