u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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