You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
