I'm going to jail i love you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
