Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
