he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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